I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even my farts smell like vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
