At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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