guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How external is "for external use only"?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
