i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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