I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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