Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
