Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
