but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
