Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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