remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
