How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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