mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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