i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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