I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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