if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
