You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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