I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
