Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
