The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
