Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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