WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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