He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
