There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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