he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
