This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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