I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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