Non-Jews are for practice
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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