just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
