theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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