im about as happy as oj after his trial
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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