Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
