This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
