morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
