the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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