sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
