what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
