my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
