Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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