You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
