My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize