We named our party play list daddy issues
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
