Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
...so i touched it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
