My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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