I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
