last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize