please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My penis needs a shock collar
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
