She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
