if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
