Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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