I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need water and some morals
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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