Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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