Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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