dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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