somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
