I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
pray to the hookup gods
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
