So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
