all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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