I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
