like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
