Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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