Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
