wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
