I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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