Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
