wat bout pragnant strippers??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
