I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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